Milestones

Time seems to be racing towards the end of the year for me.  Time passing so quickly reminds me to be present, live intentionally and be grateful. We recently celebrated a special birthday for my niece which demonstrates a passing of years which seems almost unfathomable.   She's a gorgeous quirky girl and I am so happy that we continue to be very close. 

This week is my last week at uni.  Six and a half years, paradoxically has been a long and short time.  I've healed, reclaimed lost parts of myself and made myself stretch beyond my comfort zone repeatedly.  When I started undergraduate studies in psychology, I never dreamed that I'd be leaving uni with a Masters degree or that I would achieve the things I have. During my studies I have had so many things happen that went beyond my wildest imaginings. Commendations for academic excellence, being selected to be interviewed and professionally filmed for placement training for future students and being asked to submit my research (which I LOVED doing) to an academic journal for publication.  Enjoying research so much was a complete surprise to me and it has made a PhD so much more appealing.  I intend to spend the next couple of years settling into work, doing a lot of reading to find my area of research for my PhD.  I've been offered a teaching position at uni working with students undertaking a Bachelor of Counselling, but have declined at this point.  I want to focus on my work as a counsellor and will probably pick up some teaching once I begin my PhD.  To write these things is both strange and amusing to me. They are so natural for me to write now, yet I could not have imagined contemplating any of these things six years ago.  I was so broken I could barely get through a day.  As I complete my last class and the end of my degree this week I'll celebrate my growth, the future work that I am delighted to have and all the wonderful possibilities yet to unfold before me.  Be kind lovelies. xx

Folding Time

Time has taken on a strange quality in my life of late, and today it folded in on itself.  Six years became 6 minutes.  Six years ago I was shattered and broken dealing with the end of so much when my dear friend Aannsha who held such special place in my life also left on a grand adventure.  She spent the next almost 6 years living on a yacht in the Mediterranean with her husband. Today, she stepped off the train after so long away and our six years apart vanished as we hugged each other and cried.  We spent a wonderful day together mostly in my garden as if we did it everyday.  

This meeting of my past and present is a recurrent theme of late.  I finish my masters degree in 9 weeks with the official end date of November 17th - my old wedding anniversary.  It feels like the perfect tying off of ends. Friends from before my marriage have reappeared unexpectedly.  Aaron, who'd been my friend from when we were 7 until the end of high school where we lost contact suddenly appeared which was so lovely. To add to the synchronicity of his reappearance, he'd spent the last 6 years working with my ex husband (while we were married and through our end days), but was unaware of the connection.  The partner of a new friend from uni worked for many years with my ex-husband's best friend.  Strange how small the world is and how it links together. 

Very soon a friend from my teens is coming to spend the weekend.  He lives in South Australia and he and his cousin were boys I knew from visits to family there. We've not seen each other since we were 19, and his coming visit feels so much like time connecting my past and present yet again. He sent me this picture of me at 18, on the banks of the Murray River. We were skiing in the evening after work, and in some indefinable way the gift of this photo reconnected me with the girl I once was.  So relaxed and happy, surrounded by friends and with good things before me.  Just like now.

I've spent the year undertaking an internship as a counsellor  working in Indigenous mental health. Early in first semester I was offered a job by the agency I'm interning at.  Words cannot convey how much I love the work I do, the people I work with and the respect I have for the ethos of the organisation I work for.  They have made space for me to take on a workload that suits me and to prioritise my health and self-care. I work with a diverse range of clients. Ages range from 9 -75 and I work with issues such as anxiety, domestic violence, homelessness, grief, schizophrenia, BPD, bullying, chronic health issues, substance use and abuse, and people who have suffered physical and psychological abuse in many forms. In my job as a counsellor so many connections are present as strings from all stages in my past draw together in the perfection of this role for me.  My teaching career, my long period of illness, my art (I use art therapy), my Play Therapy training, my confronting experiences at the end of my marriage, and my training as a medical receptionist all blend to suit me perfectly to this position.  Grateful beyond measure.

A Baby Step Back....

 

I'll be back soon. 2021 has been a monster year.....

Jess

 They took my Jess' ashes. Having a big cry.

Well that sucks.

 Arrived home from uni to find my home had been broken into and they had completely trashed the place. Sophie is ok. She was asleep in the broken glass outside. They left my computer, tablet, kindle, engagement ring.... took my beautiful mala beads, some junk jewellery and my first iphone. Just waiting for forensics to arrive before we can start cleaning up. The neighbours have been over and my sister and Mum and going to help me put things back to rights after forensics finish. The sliding door is being replaced later today and I'm reprogramming the garage door as they took spare keys to garage, car and front door. I'm off to ring the locksmith.

Something Worth Remembering

 This was shared with me on facebook today and I decided to reshare it here.  

"My favorite quote from my family doctor was, “it can’t really be that bad if you are still working and doing everything you do. “ I told him I didn’t know I had a choice.

Years in pain, tired and the many changes in me for no reason or apparent reason ... Hiding everything from someone else, pretending to be doing better than you are; until it no longer works. No matter how strong you want to be.

Then the moment comes when they tell you what you have ... You have mixed feelings: you finally know what you have, but how do you deal with it?

Lack of encouragement, wanting to lie down, taking medication frequently; having a whole pharmacy on top of the nightstand.

Then, the daily responses, "Why did you get so fat?" “I have this great diet, if you just go out and exercised.

That once beautiful hair of yours now awful and it falls out.

What happened to you??....

This is all true and that's why I'm sharing it!

Silent and invisible diseases do exist ...

When you have an invisible disease it is difficult to argue from your perspective with ignorant people.

Life takes a lot of turns !!!

Tired of being told:

* Did you go to the doctor?

* Have you tried this?

* Have you tried that?

* I don’t know what else we can do for you...

Yes! I tried and still try everything !!!

Doctors say this disease is forever. That I will not heal. However, I am not giving up, but I want to make others realize:

* A nap will not cure me but it will help me ...

* I am not lazy, I take medication and it sometimes makes me sleepy.

* I am not angry but sometimes cranky with pain.

* I struggle daily with pain, mobility problems, fatigue, the criticism of my environment.

Most frustratingly, people look at me and say, "It can't be that bad; you look good "

Despite the fact that my body is experiencing excruciating pain everywhere, of course I look good, I always try to look good, it is an "invisible" disease.

This disease affects me physically, mentally and emotionally. Because rare autoimmune diseases cannot be seen, but we feel them.

And they are there ... Silent attack but extra painful.

I am looking at those who take the time to read this post to the end.

The following request is sent to the post:

Please, for me and in honor of someone who fights against:

-Crohn’s Disease

-Hashimotos Disease

-Graves Disease

-Depression

-Anxiety

-Autoimmune disease

-Polycystic ovary syndrome.

-Rheumatoid arthritis.

-Chronic pain

-Endometriosis.

-Multiple sclerosis.

-Myasthenia gravis.

-Pulmonary hypertension.

-Chronic fatigue syndrome.

-Diabetes

-Fibromyalgia.

-Raynaud and Scleroderma.

-Lupus.

-Neuralgia of the trigeminal

-Epilepsy

-MS

-Cancer

-Hyperthyroidism

-Arachnoiditis

or some other disease you don't see."

 

......and your husband says "I don't want to be with someone sick and disabled."  Like that's not another kick in the guts.

Training Days

Over the next two days I am completing my advanced clinical play therapy training.  I completed my clinical training last year, studying it alongside my Masters in Counselling.  Working with children is the area I seem to be naturally gravitating to, which is understandable given my love of children and my previous teaching career.  I LOVE play therapy and am taking on a small number of clients whilst finishing my Masters.  Eventually I'd like to incorporate nature based play therapy into my practice.

 

Due to my bath breaking it's plumb dinger and flooding through the wall, I can't show you any good  photos of my Play Therapy room.  It's in disarray at present with the carpet having been professionally treated for mould and still raised up to dry properly.  The toys, tent and other resources are piled haphazardly in the corner and overflow into the other bedroom.  I should be able to put the carpet down again on the weekend and I can get the room organised again on the weekend.  I'll take some pictures and show you then.

 

 

This is a plumb dinger for those who don't know. It connects the plug hole of your bath with the drain in the house slab when they are not aligned correctly.  Basically it's a flexible pipe.