Lazy Sunday

I'm tired today.  I've done some food prep which took little time or energy thank goodness and washed my sheets with is rather more tiring. The bed is yet to be made...  My bins are out at the curb and full of garden waste which is another win for the weekend.

Mini frittatas made with leftover roasted capsicum, chorizo, haloumi and spinach.  I think I'll freeze at least half of these.  I have them for breakfast or with a salad for lunch.  A giant bowl of cut rockmelon, watermelon and red pawpaw.  Finally a big Greek salad that I grated some carrot into -very odd but it bulked it out and added another veg.  They'll keep me going for awhile and hopefully help me manage feeling so tired.

I had a box of fresh dates that needed using too so I whipped up some bliss balls.  My kitchen light blew before I took a photo of them so I nabbed this one off Pinterest. Mine look very similar but rolled in coconut.  I'll freeze half of this batch too. 

Two weeks of uni to go and 4000 words to write then I have a breather for a little while. 

Hope you are all staying well and happy.

Miss Sophie....

Miss Sophie is at it again.  I'm back at uni so Sophie is home alone more frequently and loves to amuse herself by digging in search of the centre of the earth.  We have red dirt that turns to clay very quickly here particularly if it is raining - as it has been.  I arrived home after a 4 hour class yesterday, weary and a bit sore from long hours of sitting. A very excited and happy girl met me at the back door. Oh my goodness.

The other side and her head were worse but she was moving so much I was unable to snap a good photo.

The back deck was filthy and I forgot to photograph the clay up the walls, up the sliding doors and plastered into the flyscreen where she had flung it with wild abandon. It looked like she had been channeling Pro Hart.  :) So I went inside, changed into my daggy clothes, bathed Sophie, locked her in the house out of reach of the mud then took myself to Bunnings to purchase materials to try to fix her hole....

Wire is hopeless so I ended up purchasing sand to fill the hole and some fake grass to throw over the top and then nail down with spikes.  She shouldn't be able to dig through that.

In progress.... I am hoping the artificial turf will work. I have to go and source more sand and then put the second piece of turf down too once I have the soil all leveled out.

Mum came over early this morning and helped me to move the furniture so that I could scrub the back deck.  I sprinkled the deck with washing powder, sprayed it down with a mist spray from the hose then scrubbed it with a scrubbing brush (the pressure cleaner does little to remove the red colour of the soil). A final hose and a lot of bubbles later and it has turned out well.  Until next time at least.

I have a day at my desk today.  I'm finishing homework, doing some revision (yes already) and starting to research for my first two assignments.  I'm doing a comparison of Person Centred therapy and Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and preparing a presentation on Gender Dysphoria which is really interesting and enjoyable to put together so far.

Stay well lovelies.

The Garden

Life is slowly entering my garden. Yesterday, a willy wag tail hopped and bobbed around as they do. Today, a butterfly flitted in and out of the geisha flowers.  It makes me happy.  Seeing butterflies and birds makes me realise how disconnected from nature and the cycle of the seasons I have become since J leaving and me moving to this little block.  I've had a bird bath in the garden since I moved here two years ago and it's only now that I am beginning to see birds.

I built a raised garden bed in the back yard a few weeks ago and filled it lasagne style with layers of cane mulch, compost, and manure.  I let it sit for just over two weeks to start to compost down into soil and it sat happily in the long rainy days since then.  This morning I went for a quick trip to Bunnings and picked up some seedlings to plant.  I came home with strawberries, chives, dill, thyme, capsicum, zucchini, mini snow peas, baby roma tomatoes, kale, rocket, lettuce and a pentas plant for the butterflies.  While Sophie sat inside in the airconditioning refusing to leave the house, I went out and planted up the garden.  I've crowd planted it to maximise space and to reduce weeds - not that weeds should be a problem in this style of garden.  I have a few more seedlings to plant into pots around the side of the house but it is too hot there at this time of day so that is a job for later.  Hopefully I get a good yield.  The garden is such a happy place.

 

 My raised garden.  A Birdies brand from Bunnings which was easy for me to put together by myself.

Dwarf snow peas with a cheap climbing frame from Bargain Max.

I've planted two varieties of strawberries. They make me think of my childhood on the farm.  I earned my first ever pay packet picking strawberries, a round fifty cent piece and a small perfume bottle.  No doubt I ate more that went into my tray.

My basil it going great guns after the recent rain and here is the pentas I purchased for the butterflies. I'll transplant it into a larger pot and nestle it in the garden bed.

Changing Landscapes

Your landscapes can change in a heartbeat. Mine did. Just over three years ago I discovered that my husband was having an affair with a work colleague....and then he left.  He didn't leave cleanly or kindly.  By the time his prolonged and chaotic departure was complete my landscape was a post nuclear waste zone and I had been smashed into a million pieces. To this day I am still trying to fit back together in some healthy way.

As a result of the situation and the destructive behaviour I was exposed to, I was eventually diagnosed with major depression and complex PTSD.  Depression is a strange landscape where you feel nothing and no longer have any connections to anything.  You feel completely disconnected from the people and things that you once loved and that gave you joy. It was an interesting state to observe and experience, but not a place you want to stay in.

Needing to find a way to support myself and my illness riddled body I looked for a new career away from teaching that was kinder to the needs that autoimmune diseases place on your body.  So, I went back to university and did so during the chaos, the shock, the fear, the panic, the grief, the legalities and the selling of my home.  I had no confidence in my ability to pursue tertiary studies even though I already had a Bachelor's degree.  But uni was the place I felt safe.  I have always loved learning and had continued to research and learn all the years of my illness and marriage.  Psychology was the path I chose and while physically I found it very difficult to meet the needs of study, I surprised myself by finding the academic side to be easy. I left my undergraduate studies last November with a GPA of 7.  That's basically all High Distinctions.  I'm still incredulous.  I begin my research Masters in Counselling (Creative Arts Therapies as well as approaches supported by empirical research such as CBT), in February and have plans in place to complete my PhD also. I'm on track to have a paper peer reviewed and published before graduating. That would have been completely inconceivable to me 12 months ago and now I know that it is highly achievable and possible.  My ex-husband said he was intimidated by how good I was with people and in how I understood them.  Well, now he'd probably be terrified by me.  Is it strange that I find no joy or comfort in that thought? If this experience has taught me anything about myself it is that I am without malice and wish no ill of others regardless of what they have done.  He also treated me like I was stupid.  Think my results prove that wrong.

I now live on a small block in a housing estate with large fences blocking out the neighbours. A neighbourhood and house style (white on white) that I claimed I'd never live in. So different from the beautiful acreage with sprawling gardens, pool and granny flat that I was used to.  It's perfect though while I study and so quiet. Far quieter than the house on acreage was.  My neighbours are wonderful, both in my street and within the estate. Miss Sophie is still with me and has grown up so much my beloved Jess passed away very suddenly, two years ago.

We are surrounded by bush land and there are swimming holes and ponds very close by.  We walk around the pond when Sophie is up to it. She has degenerative discs in her spine so I have to do things very carefully and take things easily with her.  I miss the wildlife that had become my company in my old home but I am not lonely here.  I was lonelier in my marriage.  I am safe here too.  Emotionally safe that is but it is also a safe neighbourhood.

Writing this has exhausted me and I've thought long and hard again about whether to continue with my blog.  Sometimes our landscapes are dark and barren and if I am going to be authentic then I need to share that.  I'm interested to note that I still have extremely little anger towards J.  Mainly I still feel deeply, deeply hurt and traumatised.  Frequently I find myself surprised that they haven't gone away.  The trauma has eased a bit after going no contact, lots of therapy and time.  The hurt....well the hurt is still as deep and enormous as it was in the beginning.  Maybe starting to write again will help my healing process.

Beside my pain and along the edges of the wasteland that was my life, normal life went on. The children grew, parents aged, friendships enriched by my pain have continued and evolved and grown, life has gone on.  I'll share more in future posts about the children, visitors from overseas, my art, my study,  and the possibility of working in Tanzania once Sophie is gone.  I'm not sure how frequently I'll write but I'll work to get back into the habit before I hit the books again in February.

For now I'll sign off.  Returning here, to the landscape that is my blog, that holds so much of my past, has left me raw and exhausted. Time to pat Sophie, drink tea and enjoy my garden.  xx

A Quiet Weekend at Home

We've had a pottery, sleepy weekend.  Jeff has been working monster hours in the city for a couple of weeks so he caught up on some sleep this weekend.  On Saturday, our niece Miss R, came over to make a Mother's Day gift for her mum (my sister).  One gift grew to two......R began by making  bath salts for her mum.  To scent the salts, lavender, ylang ylang or bergamot (can't recall which) and a tiny bit of Australian Sandalwood was used.  Miss R even very seriously and diligently decorated the bottle with flowers and a dragonfly from my stash. She was very proud of the end result.  So cute.

Bath salts done, I was informed that some caramel fudge would be a good present so we looked up a recipe and checked to see that we had the ingredients.  We did so the cooking began.

After 10 minutes or so Miss R lost interest so I was left to stand and do the stirring and stirring and stirring that is involved. :)  I hope Susan enjoyed her gifts as her girl was very proud.

I had planned to show you some of the progress we have made in the garden but I've run out of energy.  So I'll leave you with a picture of our African Tulip towering in full bloom over our roof.  The sun was catching it as we arrived home and I thought it looked lovely - a break from all the green.

I'll share our garden progress with you tomorrow.

The Gift of Fog

On Sunday evening I was on my way home from dropping my niece off when I came upon this scene.

I had to stop and take a photo as I rarely have the gift of seeing fog.  Perhaps because it is a rarity for me it always seems precious and special.

The city of York in England will always be entwined in my memories with the magical, mystical presence of fog.  It was January, incredibly cold and shrouded with thick, pea soup fog.  I walked down the shambles and felt like I'd inexplicably travelled back in time.  I remember dark coated figures materialising before us, becoming clearer and more whole with each step. It felt to me, perhaps fancifully, that the past and present all existed simultaneously in that time and place.

I took my photo then stood, savouring the moment as the light faded.  The air was blissfully cool after such a long hot summer.  I have passed this paddock surely a million times in my life and I opened myself to the memories it holds and the gift of fog.  I returned to the car, heartfilled and grateful for a life filled with such gifts.

Planning to Reclaim the Wilds.

We have a large property (1.3acres) and much of it is gardens.  With Jeff working long hours in the city, and not being a natural gardener, and my capricious health, the garden has just carried on in it's own wild way.  I rather like the natural, wild look BUT it's a bit too wild at present.  I love gardening but have struggled to manage it with my compromised energy and pain issues.  I realise that Flylady has helped me to manage the house with ease no matter how I feel so have decided to attempt to apply her principles to the garden.  I've roughly drawn a picture of our yard and am trying to work out how to allocate Flylady's zone system to it.  I'm being very indecisive and keep changing my mind about how to approach making a plan....

I'm leaving out the 1/4 acre of 'bush' behind the fence where our dam is and I think I'll ignore the large treed gardens that run along the fenceline on either side of the backyard (light green).

Here is what I am thinking.....

Mornings - front gardens
Zone 1 - driveway gardens (dark green stripe)
Zone 2 - Light green stripe
Zone 3 - Blue stripe triangular shape
Zone 4 - Blue green stripe
Zone 5 - Blue green x side boundary at front.

Afternoon  - back gardens
Zone 1 - Gardens along back verandah - near tank, entertaining area...
Zone 2 - Pool Garden and yard
Zone 3 - Area under poinciana
Zone 4 - Side boundary garden between house and garden shed
Zone 5 - Shade garden and Orchard (big but I can take turns between them)

As much as I'd love to spend long hours in the garden each day that is not realistic.  My plan is to do 15 minutes each morning and 15 minutes each afternoon. If I'm not having a great day or am pushed for time I can do 5 or 10 minutes. Flylady allocates a zone per week of each month which would mean that I would work in each garden once per month.  I'm not sure if this is the best way to go or if I should do one zone per weekday (Monday = Zone 1, Tuesday = Zone 2 etc).  Weekends we can work on whatever we fancy.

Other Flylady adaptations:

Morning Routine - water potplants, pick up palm fronds and branches/twigs and throw on fire pile, clean up after dogs

27 Fling Boogie - dead head flowers, pull weeds, etc

Well, that gives me a bit of a plan to start with and to try and make some positive progress in the garden.  Wish me luck and if you have any better ideas - like hiring a sexy gardener! - let me know.

Waiting

For the past few days I seem to have been handcuffed to the house waiting.  Waiting for tradies to ring, turn up  and give us quotes on replacing our guttering.  Waiting for a courier to turn up with parts for our ride on mower.  I could allow myself to become frustrated and cranky by the lack of 'turning up' but instead I've used the time to take steps to catch up, to make plans and to get ahead in some areas. 

Herbs have been planted to fill out spots in sparsely planted pots on the back patio.  The area under the tree has been raked and tidied.  I've manually skimmed the pool as we woke this morning to find it covered in the creamy white blossom from the palm overhead.  It looks like it exploded in the night...  Bags of bits and bobs that have been hanging around to take to the op shop have finally been taken out to the car and I will take them to the charity bins when I next go out.  I'm ahead with the ironing!  I've read the draft copy of a friend's book, just need to add comments and edit.

I've done heaps more crochet so the boys blankets are progressing.  I reward myself by watching Escape to the Country or Escape to the Continent to keep myself on the job! :)

This morning I did some baking.  A plain vanilla cake that I've yet to ice. It's still cooling, and a batch of cheese scones.  These scones are so quick and easy to make and can be eaten as a stand alone snack or with soup which is how we tend to eat them.  They freeze and reheat well and taste just as good cold. 

Last night while our roast was in the oven I busied myself in the kitchen and made rice and vegetables for the dogs.  Yet another fruit salad as the first bowl vanished.  I cut up some veggies for snacks.  Then I cut up a heap of mixed fruit that had spots, was cheap or needed using fast.  Pear, plums, apples and cut up a bunch of rhubarb and added to it.  I think I had half a kilo in all.  I added a slurp of vanilla, a dash of water and stewed it.  When finished I froze one container then had to try some with ice-cream for dessert - yum.  I really cooked it to have with my yoghurt and nuts for breakfast. 

 

I so enjoy busy days where you actually can see the results of your productivity.  It feels good. Of course I've done heaps of other things but I'm not about to do a blog post on cleaning the bathroom!

I really want to clean the windows as they are filthy, but I'm dragging the chain there. Every time I clean them we have multiple birds flying into them and committing suicide or being injured.  It just upsets me so much.  Poor things.  I really don't know what to do about it.  It's not that I dislike doing the window.  The actual cleaning of windows doesn't bother me at all but I feel sick to my bones each time we have a big thud on the window.  Maybe I just need to suck it up and hope that this time will be different.

Enjoying time in the Garden

I took some time to just sit in the garden beneath our beautiful tree as the day drew to a close yesterday.  I lit my fire and just sat and enjoyed the evening, the sounds, the smell of the fire burning and the smell of something heavy and sweet and unidentified that was entered my senses on occassion.

The mosquitoes eventually invaded and forced my hasty retreat back indoors.  It was lovely while it lasted though.  I do love my fire pit.

Today is Sunday and I usually do a few things to prepare me for my coming week to make things flow more easily.  This is all I managed to do today.

I boiled some eggs to be added to salads or grabbed as a snack during the day.  I made a fruit salad to have for breakfast with greek yoghurt and my seed and nut mix sprinkled over, or eaten for dessert or a snack.  A greek salad, yes there is cucumber in there it is just not mixed very well! Oh, but I have forgotten the olives. What a ditz.

I make these to make my days easier, particularly if I'm not feeling great or am busy.  I can just grab something and eat it without having to go through meal prep really.  For lunch I often throw a mixed assortment of leafy greens into a bowl, spoon over some greek salad, then add an egg or tuna or leftover meat to the dish.  Other times I simply add avocado.  I usually make one more salad, typically based around leafy greens but I ran out of energy.  I can always do this tomorrow.  On days when I'm tired I often simply put the salads on the table for dinner and quickly cook a protein of some type and dinner is done.  Easy and healthy.   I also intended to stew some fruit to have warm with my yoghurt and nut mix for breakfast.  Warm fruit can be a welcome treat now the mornings are cooling down.  That is now on my list for tomorrow.  I'll make enough to freeze some in portion sizes I think.

Another job I usually do today is to make sure I am caught up on the ironing for the coming week.  I'm afraid it has rather piled up this week as unusually I've been out a lot.  Jeff did some earlier, but the rest is on my list for tomorrw.  Now I'm letting it sit up and watch TV with me.  Kind aren't I!

That's quite a pile in that poor basket.....  Something to look forward to for tomorrow! Ha!

Progress

Only a little time spent in the garden today but good progress was made.  Before we started.

Progress being made.  It was great that Jeff was able to help me as he was able to pull out things that I had struggled to and did it so quickly!  Below, Sophie always finds herself a spot at a distance to lie like a sphinx and simply watch.

 Jess is always in the thick of it, usually leaning over your shoulder, between your legs or.....

Desperately trying to get you to "Please throw the ball....."

What the garden looked like when we knocked off....

15 Minutes in the Garden

Inspired by a gloriously cool afternoon and my progress earlier this week I headed outside to be productive earlier.  I only did 15 minutes but that was enough today.  I'll show some before and after pictures then show you the whole garden.

Before photos of the area I worked on.

Couldn't have a work photo without my helper...

After 15 minutes..

I've mainly cleaned up the overflow onto the pavers and pulled some really big weeds from the bed. Then I hit the pavers with the hose.  I left the walkway until Jeff is here to help me (he's out cycling at present).   There are some really heavy rocks to be moved and the wheelbarrow is loaded and too heavy for me also.  If all else fails I'll unload it one small bucket at a time.

Now, let's talk about this garden. The garden once contained two large palm trees that grew up through the shade cloth roof and held an assortment of shade plants.  The palms had to be cut down in order to replace the decking and shade cloth.  This changed the look of the garden quite a bit.  So too have the weeds, the neglect and the huge hole digging party had one day by Jess, Sophie and their visiting friends. Yes I'm talking about YOU Bentley, Molly and Milly.  Naughty dogs.  You look onto the garden from both ends of the back deck, the kitchen window, the playroom/gallery window, the studio windows and doors. So it is really very visible from much of the house.  I'd really like to revive it but at present am a bit lost for ideas.  

 The rocks are from another bed that was pulled out and thrown in one of Sophie's holes. They are now a snake and cane toad pit and need to be removed.

 From outside the studio (Granny Flat end) looking back towards the verandah/deck of the main house.  We use this to barbeque, eat out here etc.

 I can never remember the name of this vine like plant.  It gets pretty little red flowers but it is incredibly robust and invasive popping up everywhere throughout the garden.  I think a serious physical attack and then some round up might be the only way to become free of it.  There are lovely hydrangeas beneath it.

 The agapanthus line the outer edge of it and that tall stuff towards the right is all weeds thanks to the generous birds who visit dropping seeds. :)

I think I'll start by cleaning it up.  Remove the weeds.  Take out the remaining big palm stump. Remove plants that the previous owner planted that are invasive and really just annoying.  Then see what I am left with and make a plan from there.  I think I'll keep the hydrangeas and the agapanthus, peace lilies, begonias and ferns.  I'm considering adding gardenias and more crotons for colour and height.  What do you think?  Any ideas regarding plants to choose or things to think about?

Maybe a night trawling Pinterest might be time well spent!

Happy Easter everyone.

Taking Care of Yourself

Taking care of ourselves can take so many forms.  It can be as simple as taking a nap.  It can involve the more complex areas of eating well, saying 'no', making sometimes difficult choices about what to do with our energy and time, managing medication and health care. It can involve developing habits or practices that support your well being.  Sometimes it just means doing 'stuff' to make you feel better.

These are the things I've been doing of late to take care of myself.....

Going to yoga at the sweet old town hall in Glass House.  So many childhood memories of this hall. Cent Sales. Big anniversary or birthday parties.  Dances. School concerts... The yoga was more demanding than my home practice so I spent much of the time in corpse pose imagining I was doing what everyone else was doing.  That counts right?!!!  :)

Going to meditation group.  Last night was Angel's class in Maleny.  Tomorrow is Aannsha's group class in the CWA Hall in Beerwah.  So very grateful to have these two ladies in my life.  Meditation has overall, helped me more than medical treatment I've had for anxiety and pain management. Who would have thought?  I will NEVER stop meditating.  Oh, and don't you love the singing bowl?  They are really quite extraordinary.  If you've not heard one you can check them out on youtube.

This crochet task comes under 'expressing creativity' and 'just getting stuff done'.  My nephews J and R asked me to make them blankets (last year).  They got online and found pictures of what they wanted and presented me with the ....uninspiring task of making a pacman and a minecraft something or other.  Well, I have done bits and pieces here and there. Stalled. Procrastinated. Avoided it. Tried to forget it.  Complained to myself that I don't like the ghastly yarn I was able to source locally in the colours needed. Muttered to myself that I had really wanted to make them a gorgeous ripple blanket each..... you get the picture.  So I've sucked it up and am just doing it without the struggle.  I am making progress and it is lifting a weight off my shoulders.  The air is cooling and I hope to have these finished for the boys before the end of their Easter holidays and in time for winter.  I fill the stitches with love and fond memories and hope for their future instead of struggle and complaint.  I hope they are happy with their choices and my efforts.

 Another thing that has been weighing on me heavily.  While my brother lived in the granny flat end of the house I left this area to him to care for.  He's been gone now some months and I finally, finally, just got in and did it.  I didn't get fixated on doing it perfectly.  I'm very sore today so that would not be an act of self care.  I simply wiped over the airconditioner units.  Decluttered and raked, pulled some weeds, then hosed the concrete.  A thorough cleaning of the airconditioner vents, the poles, using the pressure cleaner on the concrete and cleaning the outside bathroom (just past the airconditioner units) can happen another day.  So, as an act of self care I took action to remedy a situation that was draining on me and I did so in a way that fit the needs and capabilities of my body. 

As always my supervising companions were underfoot.  Once it is all properly cleaned I'll look at placing a comfy chair here or something.  It's a beautiful spot to sit.

This is not a cooking blog really.... and some random pics.

What happens when Jeff plays with the dogs on the back verandah and they've not been brushed for  a few days.

New shoes.  My feet are so swollen at present from the prednisone that my current shoes (I only have a couple of pairs) are unwearable.  I've been wearing thongs (flip flops - not underwear on my feet people!).

Dreaming of a new food processor and blender combo to replace mine which is currently held together with duct tape....

Fish pie for dinner using Jools Oliver's recipe.

Overflow requiring the oven to be cleaned afterwards. Sigh.

 Smells pretty good.  The best thing is that after feeding us I had enough leftovers to put some in the fridge for lunches and some in the freezer to share with Mum and Dad or to use as a meal on a busy or tired night in the future.

Hope all is well in your world.