Watched Over and Busy

Life is pretty busy at the moment.  I've recently had to replace my car due to a catastrophic failure of two major components of my X-trail. Other than sounding a little different (which is why I took it to the mechanic), nothing seemed wrong.  I was quite shocked when the manager came out and told me that it was unsafe to drive and it's a miracle that I hadn't been killed or badly injured.  Thanking my lucky stars there. The lady in the waiting room with me remarked that 'someone was watching over you', and she may well be right. Within 3 days I had a new-to-me little car that I'm actually really loving.  It is so easy to get Sophie into as well so getting her to the vet is easier and taking her out to the dog park or beach is possible again. Further to my good fortune, my little car was 7 years old with 41000kms on the odometer.  How awesome is that!

Sophie has been spending her days lying in the sun sleeping...

You can see her industriously dug holes behind her. Grrrr.

She has also been licking her paw constantly so I've resorted to making her wear a sock, which seems to be working so far.  The cone of shame stops her licking but she can only walk backwards in it which is hilarious but not great for her.  She's getting older but still as cute as a button.

 

Uni is entering the stage of semester where assessments all seem to come due at once and class content seems to increase simultaneously.  At present I'm researching the efficacy of using art therapy to promote positive mental health outcomes for children hospitalised in paediatric wards.  It's a very interesting area and is something that I may be able to do my Masters and PhD research on.  In addition to my Masters I am also studying to be a Clinical Play Therapist.  This is done through a private training organisation and will be completed by November.  Having a background in education I am loving this are of therapeutic intervention.  I have three full days of training this week as well as a written assessment for uni.  I seem to read, write and nap at present with very little in between! :) 

I made a huge pot of vegetable and herb soup on the weekend to help get me through the busy week.  Most of the veggies came from either my garden or my Mum's which I love.  I don't know why I was surprised but the soup was delicious.  

My brother and I faced the cold winds and went to the local markets on Sunday morning.  We were both after seedlings for our vegetable gardens.  It was a beautiful day even though it was chilly and I particularly loved how quiet the markets were. I managed to get a good assortment of seedlings for $9 and came home and filled the empty spots in my veggie garden as well as underplanting my potted dwarf citrus trees with the remaining herbs and chinese vegetables.  At least Sophie and I won't starve.

There are so many very healthy plants at the market and for such good prices.  My garden is already well landscaped and easy to care for. It needs no more ornamental or landscaping plants so for now I am focusing on growing food in pots and in a raised garden.  Growing your own food is such a pleasurable thing to do. It is such a joy to be able to provide food for yourself and to be able to generously share with neighbours and loved ones, even if you have little money.  People always leave here with a posy of herbs and a few cherry tomatoes or whatever else is ready from the garden.  Such a good feeling.  My garden gives me such feelings of peace, happiness, security and abundance.

Stay well and happy everyone and if you don't hear from me over the next week or so it's because I am sitting here with my head in the books.  :)

Sandy xx

My uni semester finished 2 weeks ago.  I finished the semester early as I had no exams, all my assessments were written assignments. Some of my friends are still studying for exams and will be doing them over the next week.  I've filled my time ensuring that all my notes are up to date, that I have downloaded all the learning materials and readings, just in case I've missed the odd thing here and there in the business of the semester. I'm usually pretty good but had missed some updated notes that were put up on Blackboard after our workshops.  In addition to this I did a lot of sleeping in the first week of the holidays.  My body needed rest.  This has been my best semester so far as far as my health and energy goes.  I've been on low-dose Naltrexone for 6 months now and it has definitely helped with my ability to cope physically as well as assisting my cognition.  I'll write a post specifically about Naltrexone over the next few days.

As I've mentioned previously, taking care of myself, in addition to taking all of my medication, is vital to me being able to be independent and to cope with uni. With that in mind I regularly prep food so that I always have healthy, nutritious food on hand so it takes little to no effort to throw together a healthy meal or snack for myself. I've been gifted some food this week. An abundance of oranges from Mum's tree, lemons, limes, mandarins, lettuce, English spinach, an avocado and a custard apple.  I cut the oranges into pieces and store them in old jam jars in the fridge as a ready snack or to add to Sophie's dinner - yes she eats well too which is why she is in such good shape at 13.5 years old. There is a 9 year old lab called Sally who lives near my parents and she looks considerably older than Sophie, can barely walk and has lived on dry food all her life.  I really think nutrition makes a huge difference.  I've always raw fed my dogs.  Anyway, back to the food prep.  In the fridge I have a salad made up (blue bowl), carrot sticks and cut up cucumber stored in water in jars at the back, orange slices cut up and stored in jam jars at the front and a bottle of homemade hummus made with my friend Tiia's recipe.  I also have a container of berries washed and ready for when I feel like a sweet snack or to sprinkle over my porridge of a morning.

 

It makes it so easy to throw together a healthy meal.  To the salad below I added some parsley and tomatoes from my garden. My tomato plants here grow with wild abandon and I am rarely without cherry tomatoes.  As I'd been gifted so much food I splurged and picked up some smoked salmon which I added to the salad.

Sophie and I take our regular walks most days.  Some days she's a bit wobbly and stiff so I keep her at home but we both love getting out. It keeps us healthy too. That and doing yoga and pilates here at home.  Sophie joins in to these at times which makes some sessions more of a wrestle and giggle fest than an exercise session.

Another aspect of my lifestyle is to reduce my carbon footprint further and I'm very happy to be able to recycle my coffee pods.  I have a Nespresso machine as I knew that Nespresso provided a recycling program.  As there is no collection centre for the pods close to me I can use the Nespresso postal service by putting my pods in their postal bag and simply popping it in the post box.  Very convenient.

Catching up with friends in person has been on the agenda too which seemed odd after being so isolated during the Covid lockdown.  Everyone's lives have been so different, each with their unique challenges.  Today I am visiting my friend Susanna who is one of my friends from uni. Susanna and her husband moved to Australia this year.  Sadly she lost her father during Covid and was unable to return home to his funeral due to the restrictions.  I felt so deeply for her so far away in a new country, in lockdown, navigating her grief.

While I'm out today I'll call into the bulk food store and get the ingredients that I need to make gluten free flour.  Far cheaper than purchasing the same mix at a local health food store and containing far more nutrients than the regular gluten free flours commonly found in our supermarkets.  I'll share some more about being gluten free and the flour mix I use when I write about low-dose Naltrexone.

Blessings of the day to you my friends. xxx

Miss Sophie....

Miss Sophie is at it again.  I'm back at uni so Sophie is home alone more frequently and loves to amuse herself by digging in search of the centre of the earth.  We have red dirt that turns to clay very quickly here particularly if it is raining - as it has been.  I arrived home after a 4 hour class yesterday, weary and a bit sore from long hours of sitting. A very excited and happy girl met me at the back door. Oh my goodness.

The other side and her head were worse but she was moving so much I was unable to snap a good photo.

The back deck was filthy and I forgot to photograph the clay up the walls, up the sliding doors and plastered into the flyscreen where she had flung it with wild abandon. It looked like she had been channeling Pro Hart.  :) So I went inside, changed into my daggy clothes, bathed Sophie, locked her in the house out of reach of the mud then took myself to Bunnings to purchase materials to try to fix her hole....

Wire is hopeless so I ended up purchasing sand to fill the hole and some fake grass to throw over the top and then nail down with spikes.  She shouldn't be able to dig through that.

In progress.... I am hoping the artificial turf will work. I have to go and source more sand and then put the second piece of turf down too once I have the soil all leveled out.

Mum came over early this morning and helped me to move the furniture so that I could scrub the back deck.  I sprinkled the deck with washing powder, sprayed it down with a mist spray from the hose then scrubbed it with a scrubbing brush (the pressure cleaner does little to remove the red colour of the soil). A final hose and a lot of bubbles later and it has turned out well.  Until next time at least.

I have a day at my desk today.  I'm finishing homework, doing some revision (yes already) and starting to research for my first two assignments.  I'm doing a comparison of Person Centred therapy and Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and preparing a presentation on Gender Dysphoria which is really interesting and enjoyable to put together so far.

Stay well lovelies.

Remembering Tree Day

Since my niece and three nephews were very small we have held Tree Day at the beginning of December each year.  On this day I gift the children with their first Christmas present - a new decoration for the tree, then we decorate. As I had hoped it is something that the children have come to love dearly and to look forward to. Even though the two oldest are in their teens they still LOVE it.

I began Tree Day when there were only two little cousins who decorated the tree only as high as they could reach and we pretty much left it like that.  Each year the tree has been decorated higher and higher.

There are four cousins now and two tower over me they've grown so much and I'm happy to say that the tree is decorated right to the top these days. Our red head gets his license this year and is such a beautiful calm soul.  Miss R turns 15 this year and is such a sweet heart.  Both she and her brother are on the Autism Spectrum as well as having other difficulties so both are in the special education unit at school. Her brother starts at high school with her this year but only for an hour a day at first as they ease him into the new environment. My wonderful sister is homeschooling him for the other hours.  The two littlies, not even present at our first tree day both go to high school this year and are the funniest pair as well as being the best of friends which is lovely. Their fathers, my brother and brother-in-law have been best friends since childhood too.

Because of her hypersensitivity getting Miss R to wash her hair is a monumental issue.  I managed to take her with me to the hairdressers under the guise of special girl time and she had her hair washed, cut and dried. I'm sure Susan could have wept with relief and R so loved the whole experience.  I can't believe how grown up she is.  She is the little blondie in the first picture of Tree Day.

Of course Sophie was in the thick of things and once the children were finished she collapsed exhausted on the ground and snored soundly. Sweet darling girl. It's what she does most of the time these days.

Changing Landscapes

Your landscapes can change in a heartbeat. Mine did. Just over three years ago I discovered that my husband was having an affair with a work colleague....and then he left.  He didn't leave cleanly or kindly.  By the time his prolonged and chaotic departure was complete my landscape was a post nuclear waste zone and I had been smashed into a million pieces. To this day I am still trying to fit back together in some healthy way.

As a result of the situation and the destructive behaviour I was exposed to, I was eventually diagnosed with major depression and complex PTSD.  Depression is a strange landscape where you feel nothing and no longer have any connections to anything.  You feel completely disconnected from the people and things that you once loved and that gave you joy. It was an interesting state to observe and experience, but not a place you want to stay in.

Needing to find a way to support myself and my illness riddled body I looked for a new career away from teaching that was kinder to the needs that autoimmune diseases place on your body.  So, I went back to university and did so during the chaos, the shock, the fear, the panic, the grief, the legalities and the selling of my home.  I had no confidence in my ability to pursue tertiary studies even though I already had a Bachelor's degree.  But uni was the place I felt safe.  I have always loved learning and had continued to research and learn all the years of my illness and marriage.  Psychology was the path I chose and while physically I found it very difficult to meet the needs of study, I surprised myself by finding the academic side to be easy. I left my undergraduate studies last November with a GPA of 7.  That's basically all High Distinctions.  I'm still incredulous.  I begin my research Masters in Counselling (Creative Arts Therapies as well as approaches supported by empirical research such as CBT), in February and have plans in place to complete my PhD also. I'm on track to have a paper peer reviewed and published before graduating. That would have been completely inconceivable to me 12 months ago and now I know that it is highly achievable and possible.  My ex-husband said he was intimidated by how good I was with people and in how I understood them.  Well, now he'd probably be terrified by me.  Is it strange that I find no joy or comfort in that thought? If this experience has taught me anything about myself it is that I am without malice and wish no ill of others regardless of what they have done.  He also treated me like I was stupid.  Think my results prove that wrong.

I now live on a small block in a housing estate with large fences blocking out the neighbours. A neighbourhood and house style (white on white) that I claimed I'd never live in. So different from the beautiful acreage with sprawling gardens, pool and granny flat that I was used to.  It's perfect though while I study and so quiet. Far quieter than the house on acreage was.  My neighbours are wonderful, both in my street and within the estate. Miss Sophie is still with me and has grown up so much my beloved Jess passed away very suddenly, two years ago.

We are surrounded by bush land and there are swimming holes and ponds very close by.  We walk around the pond when Sophie is up to it. She has degenerative discs in her spine so I have to do things very carefully and take things easily with her.  I miss the wildlife that had become my company in my old home but I am not lonely here.  I was lonelier in my marriage.  I am safe here too.  Emotionally safe that is but it is also a safe neighbourhood.

Writing this has exhausted me and I've thought long and hard again about whether to continue with my blog.  Sometimes our landscapes are dark and barren and if I am going to be authentic then I need to share that.  I'm interested to note that I still have extremely little anger towards J.  Mainly I still feel deeply, deeply hurt and traumatised.  Frequently I find myself surprised that they haven't gone away.  The trauma has eased a bit after going no contact, lots of therapy and time.  The hurt....well the hurt is still as deep and enormous as it was in the beginning.  Maybe starting to write again will help my healing process.

Beside my pain and along the edges of the wasteland that was my life, normal life went on. The children grew, parents aged, friendships enriched by my pain have continued and evolved and grown, life has gone on.  I'll share more in future posts about the children, visitors from overseas, my art, my study,  and the possibility of working in Tanzania once Sophie is gone.  I'm not sure how frequently I'll write but I'll work to get back into the habit before I hit the books again in February.

For now I'll sign off.  Returning here, to the landscape that is my blog, that holds so much of my past, has left me raw and exhausted. Time to pat Sophie, drink tea and enjoy my garden.  xx

Progress

Only a little time spent in the garden today but good progress was made.  Before we started.

Progress being made.  It was great that Jeff was able to help me as he was able to pull out things that I had struggled to and did it so quickly!  Below, Sophie always finds herself a spot at a distance to lie like a sphinx and simply watch.

 Jess is always in the thick of it, usually leaning over your shoulder, between your legs or.....

Desperately trying to get you to "Please throw the ball....."

What the garden looked like when we knocked off....

This is not a cooking blog really.... and some random pics.

What happens when Jeff plays with the dogs on the back verandah and they've not been brushed for  a few days.

New shoes.  My feet are so swollen at present from the prednisone that my current shoes (I only have a couple of pairs) are unwearable.  I've been wearing thongs (flip flops - not underwear on my feet people!).

Dreaming of a new food processor and blender combo to replace mine which is currently held together with duct tape....

Fish pie for dinner using Jools Oliver's recipe.

Overflow requiring the oven to be cleaned afterwards. Sigh.

 Smells pretty good.  The best thing is that after feeding us I had enough leftovers to put some in the fridge for lunches and some in the freezer to share with Mum and Dad or to use as a meal on a busy or tired night in the future.

Hope all is well in your world. 

Family day

I'm way behind with blog posts and my camera is bulging at the seams with photographs and things to share.  On Sunday morning, during my nieces sleepover, my brother and his eldest son turned up for a visit.  Oh the joy!  The kids haven't seen each other for awhile and once they realised that they were actually going to SPEND. TIME. TOGETHER.... the excitement hit crazy levels for awhile!!  It was great to see and it was so lovely to have Little Man J here as he's not been here since Easter.

The day was filled with all sorts of exciting things. Playing on the swings and in the orchard.

Spending time in the studio working on some masterpieces.

Once the paintings were finished the kids gravitated to the playroom and the lego.  They played so well together.  They are really good companions and were very sweet with each other.  It was lovely to see.

My brother and Little Man left mid afternoon and we had to pack Miss R up to take her home.  It was such a lovely day that I phoned my sister and invited her to come to the dam with us for a wander.  We took Miss R's things home, loaded her brother and mummy in the car and headed up to the dam.  Those in the back seat had to contend with very excited dogs who warbled all the way.....

 Heading across the causeway towards bush and throwing EVERY rock in on the way...

 Glorious, glorious day.  It's winter here in our neck of the woods and the days are so lovely, clear and blue and around 25 degrees celsius.  Just perfect.

Waiting for the ball to be throw so we can have a swim.  Master M has declared that it is 'cool' to wear his hat backwards as you can see in this image.  Sun safety loses out when you are a cool five year old obviously.

Such a lovely family filled day.  Memories.....

Beautiful day

Today can only be described as glorious.  One of those perfect, clear, warm winter days that bless us each year.  Our life and minds have been very busy of late and today has been a wonderful gift.  My niece Little Miss R is visiting.  Evidently her brother is annoying so I received a call from her straight after school on Friday begging for a sleepover. :)  She is here for two nights and it has been lovely so far.  She's quirky and charming and kind and provides many a giggle.  Last night I was treated to a startling operatic rendition of 'London's Burning' accompanied by music on a guitar with one string missing.

I have spent much of the day in the garden while R immersed herself in a book for hour upon end.  This afternoon we decided to walk down to the creek or the River of Sorrows and Wishes as it is also known as. We take glass beads or a special rock and throw them in while telling the river our sorrow or our wish and the river takes the sorrows away and listens to our wishes.  Sweet.  Sorrows released and wishes made we sauntered back towards home, through the trees, past the scribbley gums, across the road and to the small park.  We love the enormous fig trees.

We crossed rickety bridges in search of shy faeries.

There were none at home....

We found a story of lost love......

and played on the swing in peace.

Before heading home to find this.....I suspect the culprit is the one lurking behind me out of view of the camera. Hmmm.

Then off for another swing and NO PEACE.....

No one is a match for a very determined labrador with a ball.  Sometimes I think she is autistic.  Sweet girl.

Such a lovely day.  Hope yours was too.

Sandy xxx