A Baby Step Back....

 

I'll be back soon. 2021 has been a monster year.....

Jess

 They took my Jess' ashes. Having a big cry.

Well that sucks.

 Arrived home from uni to find my home had been broken into and they had completely trashed the place. Sophie is ok. She was asleep in the broken glass outside. They left my computer, tablet, kindle, engagement ring.... took my beautiful mala beads, some junk jewellery and my first iphone. Just waiting for forensics to arrive before we can start cleaning up. The neighbours have been over and my sister and Mum and going to help me put things back to rights after forensics finish. The sliding door is being replaced later today and I'm reprogramming the garage door as they took spare keys to garage, car and front door. I'm off to ring the locksmith.

Something Worth Remembering

 This was shared with me on facebook today and I decided to reshare it here.  

"My favorite quote from my family doctor was, “it can’t really be that bad if you are still working and doing everything you do. “ I told him I didn’t know I had a choice.

Years in pain, tired and the many changes in me for no reason or apparent reason ... Hiding everything from someone else, pretending to be doing better than you are; until it no longer works. No matter how strong you want to be.

Then the moment comes when they tell you what you have ... You have mixed feelings: you finally know what you have, but how do you deal with it?

Lack of encouragement, wanting to lie down, taking medication frequently; having a whole pharmacy on top of the nightstand.

Then, the daily responses, "Why did you get so fat?" “I have this great diet, if you just go out and exercised.

That once beautiful hair of yours now awful and it falls out.

What happened to you??....

This is all true and that's why I'm sharing it!

Silent and invisible diseases do exist ...

When you have an invisible disease it is difficult to argue from your perspective with ignorant people.

Life takes a lot of turns !!!

Tired of being told:

* Did you go to the doctor?

* Have you tried this?

* Have you tried that?

* I don’t know what else we can do for you...

Yes! I tried and still try everything !!!

Doctors say this disease is forever. That I will not heal. However, I am not giving up, but I want to make others realize:

* A nap will not cure me but it will help me ...

* I am not lazy, I take medication and it sometimes makes me sleepy.

* I am not angry but sometimes cranky with pain.

* I struggle daily with pain, mobility problems, fatigue, the criticism of my environment.

Most frustratingly, people look at me and say, "It can't be that bad; you look good "

Despite the fact that my body is experiencing excruciating pain everywhere, of course I look good, I always try to look good, it is an "invisible" disease.

This disease affects me physically, mentally and emotionally. Because rare autoimmune diseases cannot be seen, but we feel them.

And they are there ... Silent attack but extra painful.

I am looking at those who take the time to read this post to the end.

The following request is sent to the post:

Please, for me and in honor of someone who fights against:

-Crohn’s Disease

-Hashimotos Disease

-Graves Disease

-Depression

-Anxiety

-Autoimmune disease

-Polycystic ovary syndrome.

-Rheumatoid arthritis.

-Chronic pain

-Endometriosis.

-Multiple sclerosis.

-Myasthenia gravis.

-Pulmonary hypertension.

-Chronic fatigue syndrome.

-Diabetes

-Fibromyalgia.

-Raynaud and Scleroderma.

-Lupus.

-Neuralgia of the trigeminal

-Epilepsy

-MS

-Cancer

-Hyperthyroidism

-Arachnoiditis

or some other disease you don't see."

 

......and your husband says "I don't want to be with someone sick and disabled."  Like that's not another kick in the guts.

Training Days

Over the next two days I am completing my advanced clinical play therapy training.  I completed my clinical training last year, studying it alongside my Masters in Counselling.  Working with children is the area I seem to be naturally gravitating to, which is understandable given my love of children and my previous teaching career.  I LOVE play therapy and am taking on a small number of clients whilst finishing my Masters.  Eventually I'd like to incorporate nature based play therapy into my practice.

 

Due to my bath breaking it's plumb dinger and flooding through the wall, I can't show you any good  photos of my Play Therapy room.  It's in disarray at present with the carpet having been professionally treated for mould and still raised up to dry properly.  The toys, tent and other resources are piled haphazardly in the corner and overflow into the other bedroom.  I should be able to put the carpet down again on the weekend and I can get the room organised again on the weekend.  I'll take some pictures and show you then.

 

 

This is a plumb dinger for those who don't know. It connects the plug hole of your bath with the drain in the house slab when they are not aligned correctly.  Basically it's a flexible pipe. 

A Day of Little Joys

I seem to have been at home forever so this morning I visited my friend Susana and got to give love - and receive lots of love from Luke her 12 week old Lab.  It brought back memories of my Jess as a puppy. All that wriggly, overexcited, completely in the moment puppiness that evokes joy and frustration in equal measure.  Susana and Rodrigo want to give me a puppy from the first litter he sires as thanks for helping them settle in here in Australia.  Such an unexpected and kind gesture. I'm so humbled by this kindness.  It reminds me anew of just how generous, kind and beautiful my friends are and I am grateful for them daily.  

Luke making short work of the kong Sophie and I bought him for Christmas.

Such a big boy for 12 weeks and solid muscle.

 

 

As I made my way home from this visit I called in to a nursery that I pass on the way and yet have never entered. Oh my stars!! Such a glorious place. I wandered amongst the plants for 20 minutes or more completely content.  Gardens bring my spirit such peace, joy and contentment and yet it still surprises me just how much I physically ache with missing my old garden.  I don't dwell on it but when thoughts of it do pop up it is such a physical heartache, I feel as though I lost part of myself when I was forced to leave.

I kept forgetting to take photos I was so enthralled by the plants and the feel of the place so I did a quick whip around and took some snaps before I left. The centre was planned out with different garden rooms such as the desert themed space below full of succulents and some rather alarming and vicious looking cacti.

My succulents are ready for replanting and I was rather inspired by the wheelbarrow display below. I'll have a look through my odds and ends and see what I can come up with to create a new home for my plants.

I think my favourite space was the shade house. My friend Steven, who is also an avid gardener, suggested that I put one along the hot side of my house as it is currently a hot wasteland of gravel and tomato plants at the end of their life.  A shade house would cool the house as well as expand my gardening space - both of which are tempting outcomes.  It will be on my list of things to save for once I start work. 

These beehive gingers (Zingiber spectabilis) were just spectacular! So healthy and the flower heads were enormous.  I had red ones in my old garden and the flowers were pitiful in comparison to these.

This glorious display demonstrates that you really need very little space to grow a beautiful water garden.  This waterlily was so beautiful.  It reminded me of when I lived in Kakadu and would drive across floodplains full of waterlily flowers on my way into Darwin.  It seems a lifetime ago.  Beautiful memories though.

My time at the nursery made me appreciate my little garden a little more and I came home and enjoyed it with Miss Sophie and a cup of tea.  I've been here three years and it is yet to really feel like home.  I'm not sure if it ever will but I do my best and hope that one day I'll feel my spirit rest here.

My hibiscus has finally taken off like crazy after 4 years of not doing much at all.  I'll give it a good hard prune towards the end of March and see if I can strike some cuttings from it as it's a beautiful plant.

Slowly introducing splashes of colour and blossoms for the insects. I have native bees and regular bees and am slowly inviting more butterflies into my yard.

For such a tiny yard (about 12m x3m) growing space, I have managed to fit a good amount of food in.  This is my mandarin tree (dwarf). I also have a lime and two lemons also dwarf varieties.  Two blueberries which I'm not sure have survived Sophie's recent enthusiastic investigation. I also have strawberries, a variety of herbs and am prepping the garden for the next lot of veggies.  I grow mainly salad and chinese vegetables plus cherry tomatoes.  This cool season I am planting potatoes in potato growing bags so I'll see how successful that venture is.

My helper.

Happy 15th Birthday Sophie.

 Sophie was such a challenge as a puppy.  She came to us at 16 months old, with a history of poor treatment and we were her seventh home.  To say she was crazy is probably an understatement and now that I've spent so much time studying trauma I can see that her poor little brain and psyche was quite traumatised.  I came to love her and who would have imagined that it would come down to just Sophie and I, a little family of two.  She has been such a blessing and I'm so grateful for her company. She is doing very well for 15 and is such a happy girl. 

I hope you've all had a healthy and happy time during this strange festive season is such an unusual year. xxx