Change.....the one constant....

Three years ago our extened family started going through some very difficult and stressful changes.  Two years ago my life changed enormously and almost overnight when my brother and his two young boys moved in to live with Jeff and I - we had 4 days notice.  My life changed completely really.  Previously I spent most of my day alone in the quiet pottering in the garden and painting or creating in my studio.  Suddenly I had a house full and became 'Mum' to two little boys who needed care, attention, supervision, love, homework supervised, play dates and sleep overs.  My studio was in the Granny Flat where my my brother and his boys now lived and I struggled to continue with my art. Severe external stressors continued and this was a real challenge to deal with. I struggled with my health and as much as I strived for balance I got absorbed by the needs of everyone else and lost myself somewhat.  I struggled against it but I came to the stage where I was exhausted, unwell and couldn't see my own life and dreams anymore.

Now just as suddenly as they moved in, the boys have all moved out. Two days after finding out they were packing they are gone and so are all of their belongings.  The house is quiet, I have no demands on my time - no kids to supervise or shuttle around, no kids friends sleeping over..... I have what seems to be an enormous amount of empty space looking back at me and I'm not sure how to fill it. I find it bemusing this place I suddenly find myself in. I loved being a part of the kids lives and experiencing the role of Mum. Oddly, being a mum seems to be what I was born to do, it's natural to me and I LOVED it.  Yet in this life it hasn't worked out that way for me. I know that  the Universe has a way of filling space.  I'm going to work on filling these spaces - physical, mental, emotional and how I use my time, in ways that are nurturing and significant to me.

So 2016 I am dedicating to my own self care. To slowing down and tuning in to myself, grieving the loss of being a parent all over again.  Healing my body and my heart from the challenges of recent years and events.  I'm going to continue going to meditation group twice per week - this has been a life saver and I love it and love the girls in both groups.  I am going to give myself time and space to find myself and my own path again. What a lovely thing to look forward to.

A glorious day to rest and renew and start to look towards the future.  Yesterday's rain has left a clear, fresh day.  A portent perhaps?

 Even the sandhills on the islands are visible. Click on the image for a better view.

Looking towards my house.  I love this view.