Meditation Revelations

Each week we arrive at meditation and Aannsha has a lovely central point of focus for us, with our chairs arranged in a circle around it.  This week was different.

There were three big folding tables set up in the little hall and we each sat in our chairs, behind a desk, with a jar of pencils like we were at school.  I found it a bit disconcerting and it turns out I wasn't the only one. :)

Aannsha's focus this week was for us to participate in a mindfulness meditation while colouring in - mindfully.  No thinking about what you are cooking tonight or judging your colour choices or looking at what everyone else is doing.  Just breathe deeply and focus on the feeling of colouring.  I chose and elephant.

My mind strayed a little but I was mainly able to focus on what I was doing.  I  had almost not attended meditation because I was feeling so wretched - tired, headache, sore.  Interestingly when I was fully engaged in the activity my headache, fatigue and soreness weren't noticeable.  I do use meditation as a pain management strategy but hadn't thought of using colouring.  I have noticed that if I am really involved in a painting I often forget pain too.

Afterwards, our initial resistance to the change in room arrangement, sitting at tables, and colouring was discussed, and this lead to us having quite an interesting chat about expectations.  We were all reacting because we had different expectations as to what our meditation sessions are like or should be like.  When I had a bit of a reflect on my own thinking  and behaviour I realised just how many expectations I have particularly towards myself.  All the 'shoulds'.  I should be healthy.  I should have more energy.  I should not weigh as much as I do.  I should weed that garden bed.  I should have handled that situation differently.  I should do the ironing. I should ring/visit/check on that friend or neighbour. Oh lordy, I wrote all of these things and more down in my journal and thought "I am drowning in expectations"  and that's before I looked at the ones relating to my art or my relationships or any other area of my life.  All the should statments that really drained me and can be used as a way in for a whole heap of self-criticism.    How often do we all say "I should"?  Reflect on what you say and think to yourself over the course of a day.  How many times do you judge yourself for what you have or haven't done or said, or what you haven't done properly etc.  Where do your expectations impact your work, your relationships.  Look closely, I bet you will be surprised.

Meditation provides more that just relaxation (although you can start and stay there if you want). It is a catalyst for personal growth and transformation and this session most certainly created some greater awareness for some of us.  Even if it wasn't what we were expecting.....